Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
