so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He did a backflip because drugs
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