Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
