Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
