I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
