There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
