then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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