explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
