Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
