im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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