dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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