Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
