you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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