He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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