we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
