My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
