there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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