we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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