i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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