Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
