Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
