When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
