I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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