I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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