That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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