I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
