I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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