Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
