im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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