You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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