I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
