in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
