Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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