Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
