Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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