Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
