I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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