also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
