I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
