I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
