they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
