she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
