Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
