No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
