Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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