ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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