Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
