(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
