Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So squirting runs in the family.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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