you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize