Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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