Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
