She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
