I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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