Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
