If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
