i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
