He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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