the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
