If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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