Where is the hickey?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
