I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
