Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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